Not so starving artist

2PM

2008-07-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

Reading clients...I seem to be more short tempered lately. I drempt that a friend ripped me off, through a misunderstanding. She came to visit me in Panama and then expected me to pay for her airplane tickets. I was so angry, I paid it but I knew that that would leave me short for my holiday. I wonder if this isn't a full moon thing, the Moon is transiting my natal Moon in Capricorn, making me feel more intensely. Weirdly enough, this hasn't translated to food. Thank goodness yesterday was crazy. Today I have a lot of willpower and energy.

I realize that I have 6 points of snackage left for this day....So I indulged in my zero fat dream whip, rice cake 1/2 banana for 2 points.
points used for today 18

July 15 Lunch

2008-07-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

Today has been full of bonuses! Well M paid me totally back ever last penny!!!! And today when I was walking the dog an officer actually stopped traffic on Dundas so we could cross the street. I feel as if the universe is very kind today. I'm pretty grateful for where I am. Lunch was as planned and good, again picking the basil from my yard. Tonight's plan is for turkey or chicken breast stir fry with lots of fresh veggies.

I have had a lot of exercise and plan to bike some more later on today. I think I am finally finding my self...under all that weight that I had been hiding under, and it does feel really good.

Lunch
bagel 5
cream cheese light 2tlb 2
ham 1
tomato and basil 0
Total 8, daily total 16.

July 15 Morning

2008-07-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

Went for a huge walk with my dog, about 2 and a half hours, and don't feel exhausted but healthy tired. The park was beautiful this morning, not too hot though I should have put on some sun screen. Sirius went into the water for a bit and cooled off half way through our hike.

I feel good, I have a lot to do, but it is important for me to get out there and kind of recharge my creativity. Nature does that for me.

Breki
Kashi 3
milk 2
banana 2
coffee 1
8 points total

2008-07-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

Well, after connecting with my body buddy and a bunch of other people I got some good advice to take with me. My kitchen looks a great deal cleaner thanks to all this energy and I even got on the elliptical machine for about ten min. Which is a start.

Food 1/4 chicken 8 points
salad 2 points
1/2 bag popcorn 2

12 points- 1 point = 11 points extra of my weekly points.

Tomorrow will be better. I think it's funny that Bridget Jones Diary had a similar entrance, for her new years resolution, only I didn't smoke or drink a lot of vodka. Anyways after that whatever that funk was it is gone, leaving me 24 points for the weekend. I won't allow myself to use up any extra points for the rest of this week. Not even during the Pagan Pub moot, where I will be tempted to get French fries, lucky for me I am at the limit of my budget and would be lucky if I can order a pint of Strong Bow (less points than beer).

Afternoon

2008-07-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

Ok had a peach. 5 points...I will need to vent all this emotional stuff into stuff around the house, like clean up, vacuum, etc instead of resorting to eating food. Since I only have 31 points, and I'm up to 29.5 that leaves me with 1. 5 points for dinner...I will have to be very frugal. The chicken will be 8 points, the salad 2....so that is -10. I will eat it with diet Pepsi in hand....and my weekly points need to stay put until Saturday when I can use the 25 extra points for the weekend.....

My mistake

2008-07-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

I just recaculated my points and realized I should be aiming for 31 pionts a day not 34...so I have been going over by 3 points a day, which is quite a bit 3x 7=21 extra points a week! Yikes. Oh well then I will just take in some of my extra points today, and focus on aiming for the 31 points a day limit.

1pm

2008-07-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

Ok still somewhat emotinoally messy. I have eaten another Scone...carbs they are my nemsis! I'll add it into my daily points.

That's 29 points, leaving me with 5 points! Hmmm.....I hate weigh in days.
Dinner will be roast chicken 5 points and salad- 2 points so that will be 7 points...which means I'll be cashing in -2 weekly points.

lunch=12:07

2008-07-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

Mood: Much better, have completed some work, am playing the classical music station on the radio which I find good for writing...CBC 2. Field tomatos are finnally coming in which is great, they taste wonderful! I picked some fresh basil from my yard and added it to my sandwhich-I also did some spritual work,and have a candle lit. Created this magical space where I can do my stuff in peace.

bagel -5points
ham -2 points
cream cheese light-2
total 9 points.
daily total 20 points.

July 14 mid morning

2008-07-14T07:52:00.001-07:00

Still feel very emotional. However much better, took the dog for a huge walk, went up the giant stairs. I bought him a raw cow bone for one dollar at the butchers. It looks almost prehistoric, but he's ecstatic .. I have a bunch of work to do and need to focus and get in touch with my organized twin, today I plan to:

1. Dress in a good work at home outfit.
2. Keep my desk uncluttered.
3. Drink water when I am thirsty.
4. Stay within my points limit.
5. Aim to write a lot of content.
6. Carefully plan my food ahead of time, avoiding the sudden "binge eating" where I don't give myself time to really think about what I am eating.

Daily points 10
Just had raspberries 1 point,
Daily points now= 11

Weigh in day July 14

2008-07-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Well I am up 2.5 lbs, but last week lost 7 lbs, and really my body is kind of crazy that way. The only thing I would like to change maybe is to try to cut down going to the edge of my extra points. Maybe what I should do is to aim to have 30 extra points to use on the weekend, that way it may not be so crazy. How do I do that, I have to really draw down boundaries over the week and make sure that I stick to my 34 points and that is it. Really 34 is still a lot, and I will live without that extra thing. Today too, I'll buy some evaporated milk (1%) and look for Stevia for my coffee- there is one place where I can cut corners...on my coffee, turning it from a 2 point drink to a .5 thing.

I am about to go for a nice long walk with my dog- though it is getting late so I better hurry. He's an old guy and gets tired.

Made some compromises and worked things out from yesterday.....though I sometimes wish that people would come with a warning light...so you would know what to do before a disagreement came up....maybe a warning light and instructions...I really hate disagreements they make me really upset, and thus make it harder for me to stick to my plan....but that's what I need to work out, how to deal with this without resorting to eating....to escape my feelings.

Breakfast was as follows:
Scone (small) 8 points
coffee 2 points
total: 10 points.

evening July 13

2008-07-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

Went to the art show, but found out some people are not into it, I had no idea. But I guess it's up to me to live and learn. Next time I'll just make these things an artist date and go with myself or people who are into this. Why bother torturing people who are not, it's just too painful, I'm sure for everyone involved.

I think I will need to work on increasing my independence here, it may be the only solution. There are a lot of fears around this, but I will get over it. I always thought that people had to kind of open up to the other persons likes and hobbies, do things as a couple..etc, but maybe I am wrong...maybe it is normal just to go off and do your own things, maybe that's the sign of a healthy long term relationship two people doing their own things but not really doing stuff together....living under the same roof.

chicken pot pie 10 points
salad 2 points
ice tea 1 point (unsweetened)
m&ms 5 points
popcorn 3

21+14= 35 points, 2 points under my limit. yey, I did it! Tomorrow is weigh in day and as usual I have no idea what it will be.

July 13 Morning Brunch

2008-07-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

Busy day ahead today- Going to M Pagan brunch, which is bizarrely at 3pm, go Pagan people..hahaha. Also want to go to Nathan Phillips Square where they have an art display of local artists....where you can buy original art for a reasonable price. Lunch will have to be light, since I have eaten almost half of my points during brunch...the real thing, this morning. I think during the pagan brunch I will order sweet potato fries and share them with rebecca....that sounds sensible, not totally healthy but not totally damaging. I have 23 points left including my extra 3 so I will need to be frugal. Maybe a strong bow which is 2 points, and 1/2 serving of sweet potato fries....which is 7 points! As long as I skip that dip. Good thing I plan to do a lot of walking. For the most of this week, I Will be making a lot of stir fries for dinner- with the occasional spaghetti etc. It is cheaper that way.

The zucchini in my garden is getting bigger and bigger which is great, soon I will be able to harvest a bunch of it, and that is fantastic for stir fry.

2 eggs =4points
2 slices bread =5 points
klobassa =3points
coffee =2 points
total 14 points.

July 12 eve

2008-07-12T19:23:00.001-07:00

Mood-Feeling blah and restless I have things to do and am feeling a little overwhelmed. It was pretty intense with many teens here all day. I want to feel more productive. So before I go to bed tongiht I'll try to clear things up here.

I hate using up extra points....maybe I have eaten too much sugar, that cake tasted like a lot of sugar and I am prob not used to it. Ian's dad did call and wish him happy birthday after all, which is amazing.

Now I need to do some work to get it out of the way.

3 slices pizza =15
diet pepsi =0
grapes =2
1/4 slice cake 4

21 points- 11= 10 points.
So I have 3 extra points this week...rats! I better be good tomorrow, I have a brunch to go to.

July 12 afternoon

2008-07-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

Mood--

It is chaotic here with Ian and his 13 friends playing Rock Band at Rock band volume .....They are having a lot of fun. I was going to buy a cake from Loblaws mostly because I don't want to spend any extra money nor do I want to be tempted to really eat this cake, maybe spit it 3 ways with MR a and Beckster.

Ian has a lot of charisma, where did he get it from...me? Dave? Who knows. And no, no call from Dave...what a dumbass. Why would a father not call his son to wish him happy birthday..what kind of dad is that, that he cant be bothered to remember his son's birthday!

Reading clients but was hungry so made a light lunch:

10 rice crackers 1, 1 oz cheese 3, raspberries 1, fruit smoothie small 2-

7 points
so 11 points left today.

Morning July 12

2008-07-12T09:34:00.001-07:00

Food
Bagel 4 points
smoked salmon 2
cream cheese light 2
coffee 2

Lunch
latte small 4
1/2 cinnomon roll 4

total so far-
18 points....
left over 16 points....

Went for a huge walk to bloor west village and back. Which was very healthy in itself. tonight is pizza but I will limit myself to 2 slices (10 points) and make a side salad with it. I hope not to use any or hardly any of my leftover 13 points.

Mood happy but very busy!

dinner

2008-07-11T18:44:00.000-07:00

pres choice burger 5
thin buns 2
1tlb salad dressing light .5
french fries oven 4
peach 1

dessert zero fat gelato
4 points

16.5 points + 24 =40.5
Mood- ok still have a lot to to need to get it behind me. A report to write etc, emails to answer.
I need to make sure I get better sleep.

6. 5 points extra (13.5 extra points left for the week)...

1:30 July 11

2008-07-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

10 rice crackers, 1 peach =1.5 points

I am pretty hungry...there goes my no refined food vow. Rats ok well at least rice crackers are really light. *sigh*

Mood- cold and hungry still. Emotionally I am doing ok.

2:11- tea and 5 dried dates- 2 points

daily total 23.5 points.

Still feel cold, the kitchen is a giant mess I have to clean it up....@5 pm I'll spend some time getting it up to par, I feel restless, tired of sitting...need to move.

July 11 2008

2008-07-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

Went for a two hour walk with the dog in the rain, but didn't have enough time for morning papers, so I think it is time to keep the journal by my bed and write as soon as I wake up in the morning when Andrew takes his bath.

Food so far:

Breki
Kashi, milk, banana coffee 9 points
snack
raspberries, carrots 1 point
Lunch
bagel, egg, cheese .5 oz, ham 1 10 points
Total so far- 20 points.

Mood: Rushed.
Marathon reading period of 5 hours.....The walk was my sanity, it felt good to get out and be in the woods, even though the sky opened up and it poured. I almost was run over by a car, and a tree feel down behind me on the road....a day of close calls. My food has been pretty healthy I am really working on getting away from all processed foods. Which means that eventually I will say goodbye to anything in a can, or a box, with ingredients that I don't understand.

July 10 2008

2008-07-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

tomato stew with sausage 8 points
1 cup rice- 4points
wine 2 points
rice cake, with 1/2 banana 1.3

23
15.5
----
38.5

so that is 4.5 points extra so weekly points it's 14.5= 20.5 weekly points left for weekend.

Will walk the dog before I go to bed, I do feel tired but both the dog and I can use the exercise. I went on my bike today after work too for about 20 min. After I walk the dog I'm going to take a quick bath and go to bed....

tomorrow is Friday, yey Friday!

July 10 340 pm

2008-07-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

Snack

Croissant -5points
tea 1 point
dried dates 1point

16+7 points= 23 points.

leaving me ten points left till dinner.

Mood-
Hungry- not so much
Angry- yes very angry
Lonely- a little of that
Tired- a little of that too.

Got to put on some music chill out. I hate it when I struggle through money issues. I know that in order to fix things I have to start by getting into a better state of mind.

12 noon

2008-07-10T11:24:00.000-07:00

Snack 2 rice cakes, strawberries, dream whip 1.5

Lunch-
Croissant 5 points
tuna salad light-3 points
Popsicle- 1point

total points 16.5

Mood: Mad a bank error, my fault, which stressed me out, transfered money just a bit later than I should have. However I talked to the bank and they were nice enough to help me out....
That vet bill was pretty intense, it has made it rougher right now. This is a good week, a 3 pay week, but I have had to dip in deep into my savings in order to make ends meet.

I think I will have to cancel one event that I was supposed to go to Saturday night. And hope that my hubby will foot the bill for Brunch on Sunday.

As for water, I will drink but won't go crazy I don't agree that it is that great to drink excessive amounts. I try to make sure I never thirst but thats it.

July 9 8:40 am

2008-07-10T05:09:00.000-07:00

WEEKLY POINTS USED 10

BREKI
KASHI 3
milk 1% 2
1/2 banana 1

Total 6 points.

Mood- I have a lot to do today, finish astrology answer emails and a very long shift. Plan to ride my bike this afternoon to get stuff for dinner. I will ride to the no name grocery store to cut costs- I am making a turkey sausage tomato thing, with rice, that my Mom named "Smuglize". It is a made up Czech word, like Kvirkly which is what my family calls cold cereal.
I did write my morning papers though which is good.

Dinner

2008-07-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

chicken breast 3
rice 1/4 cup 1
tortillia whole wheat large 3
wine 2
total 9 points +12= 28 points.

popcorn 3 points
late night- coffee 2 points =33 points

Mood good, got to finish astrology so I made myself some coffee- can't belive I have gone under my points, will have 5 dates with my coffee to make it 34 points. Yey me!

Oh yes and I biked for 30 min too! Yeh me....no morning papers though, which explains the crazy angry feelings in the afternoon...The afternoon seems to be my weak time.

5pm July 8

2008-07-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

Feeling much better after having vented. I will pack some water and go on my bike to Bloor West Village, I want to get some veggies and fruits for dinner. We're having fajitas, so also need 0 fat sour cream too. Thank goodness that exercise is a great way to vent frustration.

More exercise, More water! :) :) :)

july 8 4pm

2008-07-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

2 rice crackers- 1
1/2 banana -1
dream whip low fat-0
rice crackers -1
coffee- 2

daily total 17 +5=22 points, points left over 12...

Mood-

Tired another Hault thing. I think M and his wife are trying to have a baby, M still hasn't paid me back...grumble. Got to let go of this shit, so what that M owes me almost 1000 dollars which M stole from me!!!!!! ARrgh. I hate it when I trust someone and they skrew me over. It is a sign from the universe that I have to let go, its just not worth it, not even for 1,000...and for M's woman to have triplets....think happy thoughts, Lydia, happy thoughts.

August 8 3:23

2008-07-09T12:23:00.001-07:00

carrots- points 0

Mood- it really bugs me that some people chase after these people who are not really into them, I see it every day at work and it drives me nuts sometimes. That and lack of integrity, where people insist they are not "pushy"when they are pushy, difficult and annoying...they wonder why they don't get that lover, or that great job,when in reality, they could if they started to act more polite, or stopped chasing people who are emotionally or intellectually abusive or just not into them.

You can't change him or her....!!!!! arggh Don't waste your time, move on!!!

****** I am HUNGRY...and ANGRY**** Halt danger words....!!!!!

The croissants called to me , but I said "NO." Those evil siren vixens of the Carb world!

1:30 July 8

2008-07-09T10:34:00.000-07:00

Lunch-

carrots= o points
cheese 1 oz 3 points
raspberries 1 point...

total 4 points.

Total daily points so far 17 points.

Mood, good sitting outside working on content, balancing things out. It is always very peaceful outside here...though I need my computer battery in case it starts to rain. Made great choices for lunch, I need to bike tonight and get some carrots, they are the greatest thing. Hopefully my skin won't turn orange hahaha....

From Prevention.com

2008-07-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

this is an interesting feature from Prevention.com (a great site I am learning) where you can plug in a virtual you....before and after picture.

I am enclosing mine.

July 8 10am

2008-07-09T07:36:00.000-07:00

kashi cereal 3 points milk 2 1/2 banana 1= 6

snack- croissant =5 points coffee 2 points
total 13 points.

The lower fat kashi doesn't taste that good and it's the SAME points as the higher fat one...so never again with this lower fat one....but I have two boxes so I might as well use them up. Maybe I can get a box of the higher fat one and mix the two.

Mood- Got a lot of content to write- but turned on the air conditioning today only because it's going to be another very intense hot day. Moved down to the sun room office, the attic is way tooo hot!

check out the encyclopedia of good food on http://www.prevention.com/

According to this article, fruits that are good for certain diseases:

like fresh figs for high blood pressure, lichee for heart disease, guava for nice skin, etc. They give out some fantastic serving ideas.

I am definitely intent on putting more fruit into my diet, I remind myself that that and baby carrots are natures candy.

Thought I did have a croissant as a morning snack, which isn't the best scenario....I do want to keep my points down to the limit, no extra points today, I want to look forward to saving some points for the weekend.

9pm

2008-07-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

Dinner

Chicken breast 3 oz 3 pionts
rice 1/2cup 2 points

5 points (+1)

crossaunt 5 points
rice cakes 1/2 banana and coffee (+4)

so 12 points extra today that leaves me with 23 exra points...this day was messy but hopefully it will get better now. it was hot, overwhelming and I spent time cooking and cleaning....
Hungry-yes
Angry- frustrated
Lonely -not really
Tired- yes

tomorrow my sense of order will be restored.

Morning -Afternoon July 8

2008-07-08T12:38:00.001-07:00

Food

Breaki Muffin coffee 12 points

Lunch- Bagel 6 lox 4 salad 2 ice tea 2
1/2 pie 4

Total for now 30 points! Yikes

Weekly plus so far 3 points (this may be a plus day)

What was agoing on, had to fast before breaki then was super hungry by the time the nurse took my blood. Then had lunch out as well...

4:35 pm eating carrots, hungry...just goes to show high sugar high refined flour foods never fill you up.

830 pm July 7

2008-07-07T18:37:00.000-07:00

Dinner- Chicken and rice glass of white wine 13 points
plus rice cakes low fat dream whip 1/2 banana 2 points...

Total + 3 for weekly points.

Tomorrow I am going to the doctor, and will have to skip breaki which is a bummer. I'll walk the dog late that night, I hate it when my schedule is so wonky.

July 7 3pm

2008-07-07T13:05:00.000-07:00

2 rice cakes -1, low fat dream whip 0, 1/2 of a banana 1= 2 points.
1/2 cup blue berries, 5 figs 1 and .5 points

So daily total is 10.5 points (made a mistake in my last blog I have 34 points a day to use).

Mood-tired and hot, drinking more water I am up to 3 large glasses for today... I don't belive you should drink 10 large glasses a day thats crazy and hard on your kindneys. But when I am thirsty I do drink.

July 7 235

2008-07-07T11:35:00.000-07:00

Feeling over heated, want to eat for all the wrong reasons, but won't. I got myself a glass of water and I'm drinking it. Vogon poetry is talking to me about all their great meetings with famous people...on and on and on and on. Another Gemini....I want to put them out of their misery....but they seem happy..Why does it bother me..am I envious...could be.

12:21 July 7 - Lunch

2008-07-07T09:21:00.001-07:00

2 slices bread 3points
turkey breast 1oz 1 point
cheese 2 points
salad dressing 1 tsp 1 point.
1 cup 1/2 of cherries 1.5 points
water so far: 1 large glass
exercise- 1 hour 1/2 walk with some jogging and walk up large hill.

total points at lunch= 8.5
total points for day=20
points left -10

Mood- very very busy- got a lot on my "plate" so to speak...but am eating healthy so far. I am sending Mr. Bean, my son to get groceries, mostly because my day ends at 6pm, and he is off for the day.

I am thankful for the food I have, especially when there are food shortages in other parts of the world.

Monday July 7 Weigh in Day

2008-07-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Down 7 lbs!!!!
Now weigh 275

Food-
2 eggs 4 pionts
1 slice cheese 2 points
vegies-o points
bun-3 points
marg light .5 points
coffee 2 points
Total-11.5

I need to take a notebook with me when i go out and jot down notes about my food, and my feelings, but this tracking system is really working for me from what I can tell. I want to create a graph to show my weight loss here and start a video tracking system. When I ate breakfast I felt really good, and felt I was eating a healthy meal, the bun was thin and whole grain.

It is good for me to eat before I work out too, I do more, when I fuel my body before heading out.

I saw Wall-e yesterday and it was quite disturbing, the dirty earth full of garbage and abandoned because consumerism had gone out of control, and the spaceship full of fat floating people made me think, this is Pixar's idea of a wakeup call.

Maybe thats why I started jogging :)

July 6- Morning, early afternoon.

2008-07-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

Brunch: 3 banana chocolate chip pancakes 15 points, coffee 2, maple syrup 1= 18 points.

Enjoyed a fun brunch with family, I have lots of extra points I left over for the weekend. Darling Mr. A and I took a long walk with the dog to check out D&D manuals, we are thinking of playing once a month.

Around noon I had one cup of cherries 1 point, 1/3 cup cherry juce 1point...see a theme :)...so that is really 20 points, so I have 15 points left for today.

According to my weekly challenge in the "Writer's diet" book, I am to find paintings where my body type is consider beautiful. So Here are some to remind myself that I can be beautiful at any size....

July 5 eve

2008-07-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

Various vegies 0, 3 dips of dip 3, 1 slice klobassa1 , 2 timbits 4 wine 2=
8 points. 4 extra points.

Weekly points left 23

Had a fantastic time, Glad, Queenie was watching her food too, she encouraged veggies. I loved getting together with spiritual minded people. These guys never say bad things about each other it is such a warm and loving environment. I learned a few things too. Next time I think I will bring some hummus or refried beans...good dips.

No biking though I chickened out...sigh..those giant hills down Royal York road are intimidating though I should get over myself and start biking more---shame on me!

3pm July 5

2008-07-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

2 caramel rice cakes 1, banana 2, cool whip 0 fat, iced coffee 1 = 4 points

I was craving something really sweet, and this seems to do it without causing too much damage. However that leaves me with 4 points left. (and many extra points).

I am going to bike ride down to Goldie's house, we are meeting up for a spiritual meeting, Goldie suggested that we bring snack food, I shall bring fresh cherries! No dinner for me, well not anything huge-since there is snack food tonight.

Noon July 5th

2008-07-05T09:51:00.000-07:00

Today I had a fattening lunch, mostly because Darling Mr A bought it for me...it was a lasagna with cheese 10 points and sausage 5points, glass of red wine 2ponts making that a wopping 17 points plus my 9 = 24 points which leaves me with 8 points left, however i have lots of extra points so I'm good.

Mood- Good, got to work for the next 4 hours, but went for a walk with Mr A and dog, and even tried to socialize the dog a bit. That may have worked I'm not sure, my dog has real issues with Alpha males. I had the muzzle on him and he kind of acted like a Gansta dog. With his tail up etc. He scared a very large but Beta dog so much so that the dog spilled his water. *sigh* Oh well keep on doing it and maybe it will get better over time.

I want to have some cherries and maybe will during my break. Natures candy----

9am July 5

2008-07-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

Breaki
Kashi cerial 3points, 1percent milk 2 points, banana 2 points coffee 2= 9 points

When it comes to breaki I am a creature of habit. I feel much better today, more energy. Looking forward to a walk with dog and darling A. I think I will make up the names of all my friends and relatives. Whoever is following this will be able to see my progress so far. On weigh in days I will calculate my loss and start a chart here that I will post showing my progress.

I also asked my faithful body buddy to check in on this blog as well, so she can see where I am at. It is so important to have a body buddy I tell you.

Today I plan to use up some of those extra points I have 27 points left. Weekends are crazy all full of tempations, so I want to make sure I am ready for them. Plus I've committed to exercising more. I don't count my exercise points at all, mostly because I get all wrapped up in the idea of exercising to lose weight and I think that is bad.

Yesterday Night

2008-07-05T05:53:00.000-07:00

Food: Mac & Cheese (made light with 1percent milk and 1 tlb light Margarine)-1 cup and a half 7 points....popcorn 3 points...salad 2 points.

Also 5 dates while making it 1point

Point total 13 points. +23=36 points So Weekly points used so far 8/35 points.

I was so exhausted yesterday I just went to bed, fell asleep on the couch watching a Moive, for some reason wasn't motivated to do much. I feel overwhelmed a little by all the things I have to do, but I tackled some tough stuff so it isn't as bad as it was before, just need to pace myself here.

5:pm

2008-07-04T14:17:00.000-07:00

Had 5 pitted seedless dates- 1point. (Making that 23 points so far)

Brushed cats, paid bills, I want to do more exercise really. Maybe I will go out on my bike, and get something decent for dinner tonight...Like a box of chicken breasts, and some fresh veggies. Now there is an idea, JB and I agreed more exercise on the weekend is a good idea. And besides that, who really wants KD...not me, not tonight.

July 4 4:30

2008-07-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

Snack- 1 cup 1percent yogurt 2, 1 cup raspberries, 1/3 cup kashi - 4 points

Total for day so far 9+9+4= 22 points
Points left over 11.

Whats going on-

I was feeling overheated in my office and somewhat burnt out after my shift, I think I really needed food as a fuel here. I am happy that I didn't use any sweetener for the yogurt. That is a positive step forward I feel.

Emotionally I have to pay my bills I hate doing that but will do that right now so it is out of the way and behind me.

Noon July 4th

2008-07-04T09:07:00.001-07:00

Lunch: light cheese 2 slices at 2points (4), oysters 2 points, rice crackers 1point, spinach salad with berries 2 points- total 9 points.

Whats going on-Nothing much nice calm morning. I love my job. Still waiting for M's pay...got to let that go. Need to call the park for family picnic- haven't done that yet, wonder why I resist this responsibility soo much, I guess that is on my "must do" list today, that and pay my bills. I think after my day is done I will have a good cup of Chamomile tea and pay bills. Time to put myself on a budget again.

Riverbird says she has many small meals a day- that could be dangerous for me, I guess depends on what is in those meals. For me 3 square meals and two small snacks is the way to go.

July 4 10:13 am

2008-07-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

Food- None

I am hungry though. Not all these journal entries will be riveting. I am reading clients, and sometimes it is hard not to get involved. As a healer, I should be able to process, give feedback, and stay strong. Sometimes though a reading hits a raw nerve.

A friend of mine once told me that your "buttons" are there because you put them there and you can take them away.

Being hungry is not the end of the world...I have to remember that.

Oh, and on my walk I went up the GIANT STEPS! Yey for me!

7:AM Food Journal

2008-07-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

Breakfast: 1 cup Kashi cereal, (3pts) 1 cup 1percent milk (2) banana (2) coffee (2)= 9 points

What's going on:
Looking at the Novel and Short story guide and thinking about sending a short story out. It is really scary...Some of them insist that I read their journal before submission, which makes sense, I could always check chapters or the Library, they may have a copy or two that I can check out. I was cleaning up Labyrinth yesterday, I think it is far too plain.

For a while there I was avoiding similes because I thought they were bad writing. However some very good authors use "like and as" in their works. The challenge is to only use a few. Also the show, don't tell thing..that is something I need to work at.

Should I throw my first draft out the window and start again? Or maybe not. It is definitely time to roll up my sleeves and start to work. I was also thinking of making my own tarot deck. I should start one project a time and see what it goes...

So number 1 is to clean up Labyrinth, read some journals, start tracking it through an excel spread sheet and get one of those international stamps that these literary magazines ask for.

Got to think in a linear manner. Sometimes, when under pressure, I can be very scattered.

So what is the emotion I am faced with at breakfast: Fear and it's opposite twin, Courage.

July 3 : 9:41pm

2008-07-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Well I ended this day as planned. I made personal sized meat loaves in my muffin tins. 6points, 1/2 cup rice 2 points, corn 1, marg .5 salad 2.....13.5 points. Which makes it 34 points for today.

To avoid that late night snack I decided to whiten my teeth, so now I have two blue things on my mouth and I can't eat or drink for half an hour. Plus, this stuff dosen't taste great and in no way does it inspire me to eat.

Tonight's goal is no late night eating allowed.

My mood is OK, just overwhelming to go grocery shopping, bring the stuff home, clean up the kitchen, cook dinner (snack on zero point stuff like lettuce), and after dinner to clean pots and pans, sweep the kitchen etc. Usually I get someone else to clean up, but today Ian spent the whole day cleaning up the Garage, and Andrew has been working killer hours. Rebecca had two jobs to go to as well.

Tomorrow though I'm going to focus on something easy, like BBQ- something that I don't even have to make.

I honestly don't know how my mom does it, all that cooking and cleaning. She thinks that it is the more the merrier with her....I guess she finds it soothing, for me, it's ok.

Sometmies when I cook I sing show tunes from West Side Story, or channel the inner gangster in my head....

Eating diary- July 3 4:30 pm

2008-07-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

I will be writing down stuff around food and eating it and my feelings. I have been reading Julia Cameron's the writers journal, and now am goning to start to journal around my food, and or cravings about food:

Afternoon snack:

1 cup 1% yogurt -2 points
splenda 1 tsp 0 points
vanella 5 drops 0 points
kashi low fat 1/3 cup 1 point

total 3 points-

T his is very filling I have to say and healthy.
What is going on:

I just finished a whole load of work and am thinking about how M owes me money still, and he said he would pay...still a lot of resentment around that, at least he did pay some of it, but there is still a good number left to go, and last time I talked to him he said, next week. Next week is here, but there was a holiday. I'm grumpy that my credit rating is lower because of his shenanigans. OK, need to think positive... will be glad when this is paid and it's put safely in the vault of lessons learned.

Also thinking about a friend who is turning vegetarian and the challenges she faces. Although I love animals I would hate to stop eating meat....oh vampire humanity oh vampire me!

Maybe I should write this before I eat...I will remember this next time.

I did not feel totally hungry but once I started to eat felt hungry....I am happy I chose healthy food here, nothing crappy.